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That time of the year.

Posted by Pascalle on April 23, 2004 in Uncategorized |

I don’t know what it is.. but people all around me are breaking up.
First a friend of mine. Granted, the thing he had hadn’t been long (a week or so) but it wasn’t meant to be. He was still pretty down about it.
Than yesterday Joey was calling with his girlfriend before exalted. They broke up.
Joe was crushed. We were there for him, comforted him.. talked to him.. and gave him lots of chocolate. After that he felt a bit better. We even played some exalted, even though we didn’t need to, but he wanted the distraction.
Afterwards we kept talking for quite a while. I told him to drop by in the shop today so i could keep him busy.

Than this morning another friend of mine tells me that her relationship is over too.
Than i really knew that it must be the time of the season.
Sometimes i think that i’m just too.. cold for this. I see it all as one major fuss. I can understand very well that people are heart broken when a relationship ends. I comfort them, let them talk, hug them when they need it.
Deep inside me there is this voice that tells me that i will never start a relationship. Not with all this fuss. Not with all this emotional crap around it.
I think about it sometimes. When i’m singing with menage, or sitting at Jos’ place playing D+D with my friends. Thing is.. i love my friends. I get teh love back from them that i need. I know that there are people that care about me and that is enough. It feels like it’s enough. I don’t have to go out and look for that one special person. It feels to me that it would hold me back. I like people around me, but i go nuts if there are people around me for too long. I need my time alone.
If i would have thought about this a few years ago, i would have declared myself crazy. I really had trouble being alone in a way. And in another way i didn’t. I have always travelled alone, took care of things alone. More and more i realise that at the moment i found a pretty good balance in my life. I have time to spend with others, and time for myself. Sure, it’s busy but i actually like it that way. There are things that i would like to spend more time on, but either that will come.. or not.
And either way is fine at the moment.

Sometimes i wonder if i’m lonely. And it’s strange to come to the conclusion that i’m not. I ask myself than if this isn’t strange. Aren’t people meant to find someone to share their life with? Well.. obviously not in some cases. Sometimes i wonder if i just say that to still hide the fact that i could be lonely. So i think about it.. and think.. and think.. and still come to the conclusion that i’m not and that i don’t need all the crap that a relationship brings with it.
I think i could contemplate on this subject for hours.. and just write and write and write what pops up in my head. I just smirk here, behind the computer while listening to some really nice music.

The more i think about it and try to contemplate it to death, the more i realise every time that life is just… great!
isn’t that stupid. Finding out that your life is actually going well and save some stressy bits (that when you look at them later don’t really seem to matter) it’s all going well, you got people around you that care and love you and all.
It’s not perfect. Things of course could be better. I could have more money.. i could be more tidy in my appartment. but i’m happy the way things are now..
And what do you do than?
You grab a beer, you sit back and smile to yourself and say.. you know.. i did a pretty good job!
Cheers!

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Re: That time of the year.
It’s so hard being content and happy with what you have, especially when all your friends are in a relationship and you’re not. But the key to happiness is to realize the blessings you have. And I see that you do! Cheers! *huggles*
Posted 3 years, 3 months ago by Jane • • •
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Re: That time of the year.
Julliette grabs aisha and hugs her….
Posted 3 years, 3 months ago by Julliette • • •

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