All in all i have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Well, not even just lately.
But in core that seems to be my problem. Lots of thinking but no action following out of that.
Everything goes on in my mind, all the ideas, all the things i could do, but no action follows.
And there is something that i just should stop kidding myself about.
I miss my old work for Elf fantasy so much. I miss the shop, I miss the people. I have put it away for a long time, feeling it, but not aknowleging it.
Hindsight it could have been the reason why i was in a depression for a year.
But those times just won’t come back. I know this, my brain knows this.
I try to make plans for the future. It seems that every time i have made up my mind about things, something else comes along.
For instance upcoming year. if all goes well i’ll get a contract at my work and i’ll be able to look for my own place to buy, finally.
Than my parents let me know that together with my sister they are seriously concidering the option of emigrating to australia.
I love australia. I would love to live there.
So, how serious are they (we)?
What are the plans? If i am going to emigrate, i should not buy a house.
Boom.. all the plans for upcoming year.. out of the window.
But when i look at myself and my life i can’t say that i’m unhappy.
I have a job, i have a house, i have my pets (which now includes a highly pregnant guineapig), i have my family and my friends.
However, there is so much i’m … missing in a way.
A long time ago though, i learned to take big pleasures in little things in life. I think that it’s this attitude that has kept me going for quite a long time.
What i also notice is that the fact that i haven’t had any money to do a really fun thing for a long time is also starting to break me up.
I’m paying off my debts like mad, now i have some money, but it still leaves me with nothing extra. Just that constant pressure and worry about my finances.
When i ponder about it, i realise that i haven’t bought any new clothes in 2 years. NONE.
No new shoes. no new coat. Nothing.
My newest piece of clothing is a shirt my mom brought for me from India last year.
Even though i don’t much value hip clothes and stuff, i must admit that this thought is putting me down.
In this train of thought it’s so easy to get stuck and think that everything is bad.
But it’s not. Than suddenly you find yourself at work, helping the customers and something happends.
I had a lady on the phone, for who just everything you could imagine to go wrong, was going wrong.
Stuff with our system, the delivery of her modem, the activation of her modem. So i’m talking to her and she’s pretty upset.
I am able to calm her down a bit and than she tells me that she just had a pretty rough divorce and now she finally got her own house (which also was hell to find) she managed to get her tv and internet and also with that everything is going wrong.
So i just listen patiently to her and show some compassion because i can too well understand how she must feel by now.
I explain her some things about what happened with her internet and such and than especially how we’re going to try and fix it for her.
At the end of the phonecall she was clearly relieved and she told me that not only did i inform her clearly about the going ons, but also that she was thankfull about how i was able to calm her down, just listen to her and showing understanding for her situation.
Even though there was nothing i could do for her that very moment, she was genuinly thankfull for my help.
Moments like that make you glow inside.
So that gave me a good boost to make it through the day.
Than i got another compliment of a customer about the way i was able to inform and help him….
How often do you see at a helpdesk that customers are thanking you and giving you a compliment?
Not that often. So this made me feel really good.
And i got my first time of “extra tasks” which means a bit of work off the phone.
My senior totally shocked me with it, coz normally they don’t ask people that have worked there so short for the extra tasks.
When you read this, you have to realise that life is not that bad.
Truely it isn’t.
But i wish i could do some more.. still.