In the last 2 years i have gone through quite a bit of changes. I finally had some real help with what was causing my burnouts but as a side effect it forced me to go delving deep into my own character and discover more about who i really am.
For the most time, I’m at ease with what i’m encountering and think i turned out quite a nice person.
There is one thing however that i’m still struggling with. It’s not so much self confidence but more insecurities about how I impact others.
I can be a very energetic, giving, caring outgoing person and sometimes i’m afraid that it overwhelms people a bit and that i’m bothering them with my presence. I’m afraid that they’ll think.. “there she is again.. ” but not tell me to my face so i can actually see how i can change it, but just simply stop talking.
It’s a double edged blade. I need to get more confident that I’m ok the way i am. That it’s actually quite good to be nice and giving, even if you’re overdoing it a little at times. I also have to learn to trust people to tell me when I really am bothering them. I have to try not completely disect a situation and think the worst when I’m not getting any feedback. I struggle with this a lot and at times it drives me up the walls.
The downside is that when i let this trouble me too much, i crawl back into that shell again and won’t come out, even though everything that i think is wrong is just in my head because you know.. if i was really bothering someone they would have told me because i have specifically asked the people i care about to do so.
Sometimes i take a step back and look at myself and i can’t do anything else than point at myself and yell DOOOFFFUUUUSSSSSS.. stop worrying so much and just.. be yourself.