Overall everything is going quite well. No more welfare, finances are well under control, i’m doing some nice things with friends, i started the astrophysics course and got over the bump of “omg i can or can’t do this”.
So what happends on a bad day?
Most of the time, I do manage to get -some- things done. Some cleaning, getting some groceries, doing some homework, take care of some administration or something. But I don’t really feel like going out of the house other than for a quick grocery run.
The most shitty part is that even though i manage to do these things, which is more than i used to be able to do on a bad day, i feel totally useless. What i do manage to do just isn’t good enough for me and often i feel very alone in my struggle. I look at the list i have on facebook or skype but i don’t want to bother people with my negativity. On days like that i’m seriously dreading the winter, which will often just bring more of those bad days than the summer does.
I get through them eventually, even though it feels like walking through sucking mud in which your legs dissapear up to your knees. Sometimes i look at the time and see it’s only 7 pm and think: crap this early still? i would prefer to go to bed because i’m really done with this day and it just needs to be over, bring on a new day!