I have actually contemplated for a while if I would write this post. Sometimes it feels like when you talk about it or write it down it becomes real and up to that point you can try to ignore it.
I have the tendency of pushing myself physically all the time. There’s a reason for this. Some time ago (years, I don’t know exactly when) my body stopped coöperating with me. It started to spasm out of control and become painfull. I have always been quite flexible, even when I was a big girl. I always thought I was just lucky, turns out there’s a name for it. Hypermobile. The flexibility is the upside, the downside is that my joints started to spasm out. At the time of writing I can say that i have subluxed about -any- joint in my body, including ones that are inside my hands and feet, even my ribs. Sometimes one little movement is all that’s needed to so this. For instance.. taking off pants and moving my leg a little to the side subluxed my hip. Leaning wrongly on my arm subluxhed my elbow. Trying to scratch my back and pushing a little on my elbow because I couldn’t reach the spot subluxed my shoulder. Don’t get me started on my knees. First times were a bit painful but after a while I seem to get used to it.
When I started my job in the factory I had terrible pains throughout my body. I took a lot of painkillers to make everything bearable because I refused to give up. I think I took on average 6 painkillers a day for quite some time. Slowly I felt how my body got stronger and as I was developing more muscle my joints started to behave better. Now I even take extra proteine suplements for more muscle development. Both because I think it looks pretty and because it’s a nessecity for me to avoid more subluxed joints and pain.
Of course I looked on line at what it could be what causes this. I have other things too, like elastic skin at some places and my skin is velvet soft. I have Raynaud’s Syndrome. All these things point to a certain “dissease” for which there is no cure and which people have to adapt to live with. Of course I don’t know for sure, I don’t dare go to the doctor with this, both because it’s not easy to get a diagnose for it and even if I get it, it makes it so final. Now I can still partially ignore stuff and just try to work with my body.
So why do I push myself so much with physical things? Because I don’t know if I will be able to do this at a later time. This is the fittest and the strongest I have been in my life and I will make the very best of this period for as long as possible.