So I was wondering about my blog and went there just to notice that it’s been exactly one year since my last writing. It’s not like nothing happened or i had nothing to write about, I just didn’t.
The truth is, very gradually some stress levels have increased. So slowly it wasn’t really noticed at first. Like before I had good days and bad days, the good outnumbering the bad by a lot (luckily). The medication is pretty amazing in helping me with the chemical levels in my brain to be able to function. The thing is, even though I do have creative moments, they are very few and still bring quite a bit of frustration instead of happiness. That little voice telling me everything I will make will suck, no matter if it’s something for a costume, or even writing here.
In the last few months the stress has reached new highs for reasons I do know but won’t share yet here. I needed to take action so I have and hopefully something will come of that which will both calm me down, make stress levels go down and hopefully help my head relax so I can actually make work of some of the creative ideas that I have.
I still love my house, though I have trouble with the shower. It’s not broken, it’s just fine. It’s just a shower and yet I really have to push myself to use it instead of just washing myself at the upstairs wash basin next to my bedroom. It’s one of those jokes my head pulls on me that just make me sigh. It did make me angry at myself for not “just” getting over it, but that’s not how this works. Anger only makes it worse, so it really doesn’t help at all.
All in all I do understand myself a lot better than I used to and I often laugh at how my coping mechanisms work, thinking of myself as adorable for managing to function in this world instead of beating myself up because I’m not as “normal” as the rest of the people.