Who am I

Posted by hOOli on October 29, 2002 in Uncategorized |

Now that is a stupid question. Did you ever really wandered who you are?

Evading the subject. I know who I am, and even if you guys (and girls) outthere think that you know who I am….. you’re probaply not even close.

So who am I?

I go by the rl name of Marinus. Though people who’ve read this diary will know me as cOnnY. Now, cOnnY is actually a rp character of mine. I play him at the Blue Pelt larp (in Delft). I’ve known Pasje for quite sometime now, but it was till the larp that we became closer friends. Other online names of mine are kIllEEn (a character from a novel by Gregory Benford) and hOOligAn.

But a name is a name is a name is a name. If you’d call a child Shithead at birth, that doesn’t mean that the kid can actually be quite nice.

Than what defines me? Character most of you would say…. so well then here it comes:

I am an arrogant self-centered megalomaniac. Total world domination and nothing less. Though you won’t hear me complain when I end up in a little big house with a wife, a cat, three children,a landrover discovery, a specific type of sailboat and so forth.

I’m also quite dualistic in nature. At one hand I’ll praise my intellect, at the other hand I’m not someone who rejects his roots (just look at the “more” section for me roots mannn…….)

If I had to describe my view on life, my philosophies, religious thingies and stuffs….. well. I think, a lot. So my philosophies are rather ever changing. If someone has a good point, I’ll take it into account. For the last few years I’ve been strangely attracted to Jungs philosophies and common sense, with some modifications of course. I have to admit, I never read his book (still on my to read list, as is Machiavelli, Dantes Inferno etc). As far as the rest goes. I don’t care really a lot about what things happens and to whom….. it doens’t matter what happens, but how people perceive them. Emotions are things that matter, not what a person literally did today. Now my emotions are my own. I might share some with the lot of you, but in the end I can’t really imagine you all being intrested in these things.

So you guys are on for a different challenge. I don’t promise I’ll post often, I’ll post as often as I can, but I’ll post as much of the content of my dreams, my subconsciousness (bad spelling, I know). This is somewhat challenging. Sometimes I have the most wicked dreams, sometimes I just outsleep my hangover. I won’t hold back on this, they’ll have to be read form a psychedelic kind of mindset. Don’t blame me when I have some rather unusual fantasies. That’s just me.

Now, I’ll be a good boy… and go to sleep 🙂

Roots? then where do you come from, what places and events formed my life?
I was born in the Hague. But don’t remember anything of it (at least no relevant things), then we moved on to a suburb of the Hague, also known as Zoetermeer. Jawohl. It’s funny whom some cycles close themselves, cause through the larp I know several other people who’r from this place as well. It’s to bad to hear that one of my former friends (I was aged 3-7) committed suicide (he was t that time the boyfriend of a girl I know now). Anyway back to the story. At age 7 we moved to Hoogland, a little village that was about to get assimilated into Amersfoort, a provincial “city”. Not part of the Randstad, yet, still pretty civilized. Anyway, Hoogland is quite important for my further development. Here I met some of the friends I still see as friends today….. it just happens that I spend so little time in that region anymore. These guys have the attitude of farmers and labourers, and I actually had quite some farmers in my High school classes. They showed us the big barn-parties (at which time I vomitted my beer back up for the first time).
At the other hand, I was a seascout at the time (and a rover later on). So I had several lower and upper-class social groups which I moved through (oh yep and then there was the dancing group as well). If I hadn’t been a seascout, I’d still be the whining arrogant and useless asshole I was back then….. now I’m an arrogant asshole, but not useless and not whining :-). Most guys from back then are still my closest friends. In ten years I will be able to stand at their doorstep at 5 in the morning to seek a place for refuge…. and they’d always grant me.
Now, I remained a searover till my 22 birthday. Every weekend I travelled from Delft to Amersfoort. Now wtf am I doing in Delft…. well I study here. Marine Engineering, wouldn’t pick another study except maybe for history. It has something to do with ships and stuffs like it. It’ll take me a bit less than 2 years to finish it, and than I finally can move on. It has some major drawbacks you know. Things like you’ll end up behind a desk most of the time…. 🙁
So that’s where I am now. I’m a lazy college student. Member of a student fraternity, even been their chairman for about a year) and that’s how I met Pasje in the first place.

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